1) What is the difference in habits between these two types of people?
2) Why some people may find the way to live the way they want and other people stay unhappy and unsuccessful whole their life?
3) How to develop personal leadership skills and influence people?
Understanding a habit and the way successful people live and act may help to find the answer to the question of why other people may not achieve their goals and keep doing the things which don’t allow them to succeed.
Richard St. John on Ted Talks said, “Success is not a one-way street, but a constant journey.” You can’t achieve your goal, then just stop doing anything to only relax. To become successful you need to work a lot, and when you become successful you need to keep working even harder.
What is the difference
in habits between successful
and unsuccessful people?
Analyzing the most successful people may help to find the common things in their habits. These people have some habits in common, as well as the same life attitude and reaction to certain things in their lives. Stephen R Covey (1989) wrote a book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Here are the seven habits:
1) Be proactive. There two types of people: proactive and reactive. Reactive people spend a lot of time thinking and discussing things which they have no control. For example, politics, terrorism, national debt or weather. They can’t change anything, but keep focusing and spending their energy talking about it. Proactive people concentrate their effort on the things they can do something about: education, health, family, or business. Just by expending energy on the right area may become a giant step in becoming successful.
2) Begin with the end in mind. I decided that I want to have a house in the U.S. a few years ago. It was a big challenge for me, because I didn’t have money saved at all. My family wasn’t able to help me, either. But I did know that in 3 years I would buy a house. To achieve this goal I had to move to the USA from Ukraine, find a job that could cover my monthly mortgage payment, and grow my credit score to be approved for a mortgage. When you begin with the end in mind, you start every task, day, job, or project with a clear vision of your desired destination. First you create everything mentally and then physically create it in your life. This summer I bought a house and it happened mostly because I start every task with the end result in mind.
3) Put first things first. It is important to learn that it’s all right to say no to things that are not your first priority, and you shouldn’t overextend yourself. If you learn to put first things first you will manage your time better according your goals.
4) Think win-win. Most people think that they need to compete with each other, that you win just when someone else loses. Success comes when you start understanding that you can win by helping other people to win too and by collaborating with them. If you will help your co-workers to grow, the whole company will start growing much faster. I was working at an advertising agency that dealt with online advertising. My co-workers and I thought that we were competitors for a long time. We didn’t share our strategies with each other and everyone was trying to get better clients. One day, we started to share our experiences with each other. Later, once per week we started to have meetings to teach each other how we succeed in different advertising campaigns and what we did wrong. Over time, we learned that some of us were really good at growing brands, while others had great results in direct response campaigns. We started to share clients depending on who was doing better with that specific type of client. We stopped competing with each other and had great growth for the whole company. Zig Ziglar said, “You can get everything in life you want, if you help enough other people get what they want” (Ziglar, 2000, p.40).
5) Seek first to understand, then to be understood. People usually try to get their point across first. They don’t hear other points or they listen with the intent to respond, but not understand. We spend years learning how to write, read, and speak, but most of the people don’t learn how to listen for the whole their life. Communication is the most important skill. It helps you to learn from other people, to develop leadership skills, and to become much more successful.
6) Synergize. “Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation” (pg. 6). It is a new view to an old problem, using creativity and being open-minded. Together people may produce much better results than a single person. Sometimes you may think that you found the best solution, but it doesn’t work. When you cooperate with other colleagues you start seeing different solutions, and you start understanding problems you didn’t notice before. These people may be not even professionals in your industry. But exactly because they think differently they may show absolutely different and genius solutions to the same problem.
7) Sharpen the Saw. It means you need to balance your life, renew yourself in social, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual areas of your life. By doing this you change your life and create growth. Sometimes one quick trip to another country or just a few days on the beach may help you to solve the problem you couldn’t solve for weeks. Every day provides new opportunities. You are not supposed to do the same things day by day. You can always try to learn something new, start doing sports, or go to a dance studio. And if you feel that you are not happy or not successful on the things you do now you can always change it.
Successful people learn how to listen to other people, they collaborate, not compete, and they concentrate their energy only on the most valuable things. Successful people don’t spend their time discussing other people and things they have no control over. This type of habit differentiates successful people from the unsuccessful and helps them to succeed more and more every day.
Why some people may find
the way to live the way they want
and other people stay unhappy
and unsuccessful whole their life?
When people discuss celebrities, successful business people, rich people, happy travelers, or people with happy families, they usually say that that person was just lucky. They talk about one thing that made that person successful or even criticize that person’s actions. Most people who never achieved their goals, or who gave up after a few tries, don’t understand that luck doesn’t come without work. One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another (N. Hill, 1938, p. 22.). After five hundred interviews Richard St. John (2005) created a list of 8 secrets of success:
1) Passion. When you believe in something your eyes shine brightly and nothing can stop you. This is what passion is about. If you are passionate about something you will make it work.
2) A lot of work. Nothing comes easily. I was looking for a job I was dreaming of for six months after I moved to the U.S. I was trying to find clients online and was learning how to work with them every day from 8 am until 1 am. After six months, I found a client who proposed that I work for him full time and he helped me to move to another city. A lot of my friends said it was luck, but the luck wouldn’t have come if I didn’t work a lot every day.
3) Practice and become good at what you do. You may read hundreds of book and articles, and listen to a lot of specialists in the area you are interested in, but you never succeed if you don’t start practicing. The more you practice the better results you will get.
4) Focusing yourself on one thing. You can do a lot of things at the same time, but if you want to become successful in something you need to focus and put in all your efforts just for one thing.
5) Push yourself physically and mentally. There are a lot of situations when you feel that everything is wrong and you can’t do it, and you don’t feel strong enough. You need to stop yourself from thinking that you could fail and push yourself to keep working. Elizabeth Gilbert on the Ted Talks (2009) said that she failed to get published for almost six years. She was getting nothing but rejection letters for her in her mailbox. Every time she was asking herself if she should quit. But she loved writing more than she hated failing at writing. And this is how she pushed herself through it and became amazingly successful with her book Eat, Pray, Love.
6) Serve. Millionaires serves others something of value.
7) Generate ideas. Think about new ideas all the time. You can find them by answering questions, by being curious and just listening to other people.
8) Persist. “Persistence is the number one reason for our success.” – Joe Kraus. You need to persist through failure every day and always believe in your success.
How to develop a leader
within you and influence people?
“Leadership can be taught. Leadership is not an exclusive club for those who were ‘born with it’” (Maxwell, 1993, introduction). Leader it is not the person who manage people, it is a person who inspire other people to do their job much better. “When you’re genuinely excited about what you’re doing, your enthusiasm can’t help but rub off on those around you. But being passionate about something isn’t quite enough; you also need to express your passion to those around you” (Business Insider, 2014). People follow their leaders, they trust them and together with leader they may achieve much more goals.
Leaders understand that it’s important do diverse their network and develop relationship with people that are very different than you. More diversity makes it easier to spot patterns, to innovate, and create a positive impact. Rosaline Torres on Ted Talks said, “Great leaders dare to be different. They don’t just talk about risk-taking; they actually do it”. All leaders will be scared form time to time. But the ability show courage, and encourage those around them to do the same differentiate leaders from non-leaders.
David Carnegie found a few principles of how to influence people:
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Criticism makes people justify to themselves why something is futile.
Give honest and sincere appreciation. To influence people you need to understand there are things that all people need such as food, sleep, health, money, sexual gratification, the feeling of importance, life in hereafter, well-being of your children, and money. All these things people can find the way to get, but one. People can’t get the feeling of importance by themselves. This desire makes people want to buy fancy things, tell everyone how amazing their kids are, work harder, and this desire can make people to go insane lengths to get it. If you can find the way to give a person the feeling of importance you can influence that person.
Arouse in the other person an eager want. To win someone’s attention you should learn and understand what is important to them. It is much easier to make someone do what you need if you can find the reason why this may be important, interesting or helpful for a person to agree to the task.
Every person has the ability to become successful. Success depends on the way you can see, understand, and react to all life situations. People who think they would have success if they have another person’s abilities will never succeed because they can’t use what they have.
The skills needed to be a ‘follow-worthy’ leader may not come naturally to all of us, but they can be learned and practiced over time.
St. Jones, R. (Performer). (2009, February). Success is a continuous journey [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/playlists/152/what_is_success
St. Jones, R. (Performer). (2009, February). 8 secrets of success [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/playlists/152/what_is_success
Covey, S. R. (1989, August 15). The 7 habits of highly effective people. Retrieved from https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php
Hill, N. (1938). Think and grow rich [Electronic facsimile edition]. Retrieved from http://eventualmillionaire.com/Resources/ThinkandGrowRich.pdf
Gilbert, E. (Performer). (2009, February). Success, failure and the drive to keep creating [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/playlists/152/what_is_success
Maxwell, J. C. (1993). Developing the Leader Within You. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
Ziglar, Z. (2000). See You at the Top (25th ed.). Pelican Publishing.
Carnegie, D. (2005). How to Win Friends and Influence People. Retrieved from http://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf
Torres, R. (Performer). (2013, October). What it takes to be a great leader [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/roselinde_torres_what_it_takes_to_be_a_great_leader
DeMers, J. (Contributor) How To Be A Leader People Want To Follow. Business Insider. Retrieved from http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-a-leader-people-want-to-follow-2014-10